‘Women are not allowed at the Old Bridge Inn Pork Pie Appreciation
Society. But members have graciously agreed to suspend standing orders
for the evening.
‘We did once admit a woman,” muses one member. ‘We were going through
an expansionist phase. “But it didn’t last. She had to go. It seems
women prefer watching Blind Date to drinking beer and eating pork pies
of a Saturday evening.”
I am, they tell me, incredibly privileged to be invited to their
weekly pork pie fest. Regular drinkers are used to this unlikely
gathering in the far corner of Ripponden’s picturesque Old Bridge Inn.
The society has been meeting here for 10 years, attracting attention
from television, national newspapers and radio. An eerie hush descends
and excited members huddle round the ceremonial serving box. Tonight’s
specimens have been brought for dissection. Members take it in turns to
seek out the best pies in the land, with the condition that they are
freshly baked on the Saturday
President' Kevin Booth says he can
tell straight away if the butcher has been fibbing. “We’ve had pies
before that haven’t been fresh they’ve been spruced up a bit in the
oven. “That’s known as ‘boosting’ and it’s a dirty trick.”
Vice-president John Denton by day the well-respected supremo of Quarry
Garage, Outlane is this week’s pie fetcher.
‘We once had some Red Starred in from the Malvem country. But they were
completely inedible. We threw them to the swans in the river outside
the pub,” he says. Then there was the lengthy journey through the
sleet and snow to collect a consignment from Derbyshire. But they too
failed to meet association standards and were tossed straight over the
bridge.
“Kevin has an especially low tolerance level of bad pies,” continues
John. “Generally, the best ones come from Bamsley and the Colne
Valley.” “Some of the worst pies come from Lancashire, although we did
have some real classics from Lytham once,” the president chips in. John
explains the official procedure “The first test is its overall
appearance. “How well filled it is. Whether or not it’s hand made. Does
it have a distinctive tapered shape? “The next step is to smell the
pie. And take a bite. “We take into account the flavour and spicing of
the jelly. The texture and taste of the meat is it granular, chewy or
crumbly? “You have to watch out for the nasty bits, like pigs’ toenails
or teeth we’ve had them before.” The pie is assigned a mark out of 10
Every member gets to air his view. “It’s a good workman-like pie for
everyday. Nice lean meat, but a bit too salty,” says Peter Charntey,
who currently holds the trophy for best pie fetcher. “It reminded me of
the seaside,” said another member, to jibes about rotting fish. “It’s
got a nice fancy edge,” added a third man. The identity of the pie is
then ceremoniously revealed as the creation of butcher Michael
Thewlis, of Golcar. Cons ersation drifts to past masterpieces as
members, brimming with pastry and good spirits, wind down now the
serious business is over. “We had a pork and apple pie once,”
reminisces John. “It caused some controversy, I can tell you. “But
they’re the best nights, when some give it three out of 10, but the
fetcher insists it’s worth nine and a half.” Kevin believes the society
has singlehandedly raised the standard of pies across the north of
England. “Now butchers are competing among themselves to come up with
better and better .pies, and putting a lot more effort in.” But have
they ever been lured away from their cause to test the charms of, say,
the sausage roll? My innocent enquiry is greeted with all round frowns
and dark mutterings. What would the point be in that?
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