Pie club trip to Lanzarote Tenerife 2006   




Artisan Class


1st Honley Village  Butchers – pork, chorizo, goats cheese & sweet chilli sauce 
2nd Keith Dyson – full English breakfast
3rd Honley Village Butchers – pork, chicken & stuffing
4th J. Thomas of Helmsley 
5th E. Middlemiss – pork, stuffing & Yorkshire chutney


Traditional Class


1st Hoffman’s of Wakefield 
2nd Wilson’s of Crossgates, Leeds 
3rd Broster’s of Lindley, Huddersfield.
4th Honley Village Butchers, Huddersfield.


Pie club trip to Lanzarote Tenerife 2006 PDF Print E-mail
Pie Club History

Friday 24 November – Departure Day

0900 -Pete telephones Richard to ask what the arrangements are.  “Have you packed your sunglasses?” asked Richard.  “Good idea.  I’m just sorting out my travel insurance”.

0925- Richard telephones Pete. “Are you taking gym and swimming kit?”  Pete:  “Just swimming stuff”.  “And a towel?”  “No, it’s a 5 star hotel.  See you at 10.”

1015. Richard arrives at the Old Bridge to find Kevin on his second pint.  Pete & John (dressed unintentionally as a leprechaun) arrive shortly after. “Is that your case – we’ll all use that should we?” said Pete, implying that Richard had over-provisioned for the trip. “And is that your rucksack?” (Pete usually packs only a couple of items of clothing). At this point Kev informs us that the pie club has been invited to submit a quiz team on ‘Brainbox’, a new show on Lion TV.  Is this another opportunity to show us as thick Northern stereotypes, we ask, but we can’t work out the answer.

1020. Richard Grange arrives from Grange butchers at Slathwaite with a tray full of fresh pies and sandwiches for the journey.  “Oh, Richard” says Kev, orgasmically.  The pies were up to Grange’s usual excellent standard – thin, crispy pastry and lovely succulent meat – delicious!  The sandwiches were superb too.

1045.  Pete takes another opportunity to comment on Richard’s case as we load his car.  “I should have brought a pantechnecon” he quipped.  We all get in the car.  Suddenly the rear window opens – apparently of its own accord.  “I hope there isn’t a bloody ejector seat!” says John.

1050.  We set off to Blackpool airport (Kev had scoured the net to find the cheapest flights).  Just as we arrived, the batteries ran out on the camera, which Lyndsey (landlady at the bridge) had lent us.  Luckily, Richard had brought a camera as well.

The flight was pretty uneventful – John and Kevin drinking cans of lager…

“There are a lot of old people on this flight”, said Pete. “ You look the youngest in our group, Kev” said Richard, “ do you dye your hair?”   “ He doesn’t need to.  It’s so short he could paint it”.  Pete had us laughing in the aisles already.

From the airport in Tenerife we took a taxi to the Costa Adeje Grande hotel.  Luxury 5 star!

John and Kev were in stitches when they realised that Pete & Richard (the ‘girls’) would be sharing a double bed, as their room had singles.  (Pete & Richard wondered whether the room allocation was as random as Kevin said it was).

Dinner in the restaurant (lovely meal cooked to order) and a walk down to the sea front to find a bar.  Kev orders “3 pints, and a senorita for Pete”.  True to form, when the waiter brought the bill Pete disappears to make a ‘phone call.


Pete gets lost on his way to the hotel breakfast room so has to breakfast alone. After breakfast we walked from Adeje to Playa de las Americas via 15 perfume and cheap spirit shops.  After a toilet stop for Pete at the Volcano hotel (he said the name was like the state of his stomach) we had lunch – Spanish omelettes.  Kev and John had beer.  The ‘girls’ as Kevin affectionately called them (Richard and Pete) had wine and coke.

We walked along in glorious sunshine and stopped to watch the wind surfers. “Let’s have a beer”, said John.

The lager came in glass Wellington boots – 1.5 litres. John’s capacity to drink is a source of constant fascination and admiration for Pete. “That’s not a beer” said Pete, “it’s a party seven!”

When we arrived back at the hotel, Kevin and John decided their Adonis-like bodies would look better bronzed, at least this was their excuse for going to the nude sunbathing rooftop.

Later in the afternoon we all have wine on the balcony, and a minor panic as Kev’s room safe wouldn’t open (much to Peter’s delight as he had refused to pay towards a locking safe).

In the evening we took a taxi into Playa de las Americas.  Kev took us to a tribute bar, where he had reserved our seats, but we were moved to other seats and still had to pay 3 euros each for the privilege.  Drinks were expensive, but the acts were good.  Kev got chatting with some Essex girls, but didn’t pull (one told Kev she thought Richard was distinguished and good looking.)

Moved on to the Irish bar (the Hole in the Wall).  Great music, guinness and lively clientele! (mature women throwing their bras at Elvis act).  Kev stayed back to chat with a group of ladies from Pontiland.

1.30 am Got back to hotel.  John & Kev went to the bar for another drink.


Kev, John and Richard went to the hotel’s posh restaurant for breakfast but this time were sent packing to the cheap one, which was just as well for Pete as he couldn’t find his way to the posh one.

Taxi to Los Christianos.  We popped into the supermarket for some water.  “Why don’t you take it from the chilled cabinet, Kev?” asked Richard.  Kev, who had drunk 11 pints of ice-cold lager the day before explained “ I don’t drink chilled water - it upsets my stomach” !!!!

We walked back from Los Cristianos. “Are we having another boot on the way?”   John suggested.  We stopped for a drink, and lunch in Playa de las Americas.  Over lunch, we realised that next year would be the 25th anniversary of the first pie club meeting, and we ought to think about how to celebrate.  This moved on to reminiscing about members who had come and gone over the years.  Discussion focussed on the ‘Brighouse Blobbers’ , a group of pie club members from Brighouse who left ‘en masse’ in the mid 1980s.  Kevin returned from the gents.  “ I’ve been thinking about why the blobbers left”, he said.  “there was a time when I started marking the man, not the pie, because of the fall-outs.  It was a difficult time for the pie club – them and us- for about 6 months.  After the gym closed, the Brighouse contingent came in one car, and they would come late because they’d been to another pub.  This is when Pete coined the phrase ‘Brighouse Blobbers’.  We realised it was the gym they had been coming for, not the pie club” he said, philosophically and with a touch of disbelief that anyone would put the pie club second to another lifestyle choice. Richard, who is a relative newcomer to the pie club with only 20 years service, was keen to explore this dedication further.  “ Would you swap the pie club for the life of a millionaire, Kev?”  Before he had chance to reply, Pete couldn’t resist the opportunity.  “ What do you mean? – he does live like a millionaire.  Holidays abroad, waited on hand and foot, never seen the inside of a supermarket until he came abroad…. What a life!”.   “ Not bad for a lorry driver” added Kevin, smiling.

We had evening meal in the hotel and debated whether to go back to the Irish bar in Las Americas.  We decided against it because we had a 5.15 am early call to look forward to (Kev’s cheapest flight policy had left us with a Monday early morning flight).  Instead we found an upmarket restaurant/wine bar in Adeje, and we had a quiet drink outside.  PETE PAID FOR THE DRINKS, but the waiter didn’t return with his change.  We waited for 10 minutes then decided to give it up (Pete having toyed with the idea of running off with the table lamp in compensation).

We walked along and had another drink at the Elton John bar. Pete made a comment about how high the wind was. This sparked off a discussion between Kev and John about their schooldays, when they had ‘peeing competitions’, to see who could pee higher than the toilet block wall.  The physiological impact of ageing on pissing prowess inevitably followed, with Pete remarking on the correlation between increasing age and decreasing peeing potency - his having become a ‘trickle by comparison’.

Back to the hotel, and John and Kev stayed up for another pint.

Monday – Coming Home

5.45 alarm.  Pete hadn’t slept a wink – not a jot.  He had been worrying about things (mainly the waiter taking a tip without being offered one). “when you (Kevin) and John got back from the bar, you got in, shouted a lot, and fell asleep.  After your banging, shouting and farting I couldn’t get to sleep. All I could hear all night was Richard gently snoring.”

Peter couldn’t find his car keys and started to panic.  He looked everywhere in the room.  “they will cost me £100  to replace” – the blood was draining from his face at this prospect.  Eventually he found them – in his shoe (he had refused to pay for the safe)!

Kev had arranged for us to have an early breakfast.  As he packed up his lunch from the breakfast baps, Pete (whose admiration for Kevin’s digestive capacity was unerring) said “Your calorie intake is amazing Kevin – but you do eat healthily”.  “No I don’t” protested Kevin, who clearly regarded a reputation for healthy eating as an insult to his manhood.

6.40 We arrived at the airport. Flight delayed by 4 hours!!  “I’d better text home”, said Pete.  “How do you spell Lanzarote?”   “L…a….n… 15 minutes later a reply arrives from Pete’s wife, Chris. “What do you mean you are delayed in Lanzarote, I thought you were in Tenerife!”

We spent the 4 hours outside the airport debating whether to go back to Adeje and enjoy the sun and the beach.  Pete wasn’t keen on paying for a taxi, so we stayed at the airport.

Good flight back to Blackpool.  All in all, a very enjoyable and uneventful trip we thought.  Then John got stopped at customs in Blackpool and Pete got flashed by a speed camera as he was demonstrating his sophisticated speed camera detection equipment on the way home.

Back to the Bridge for pies and a beer.  What a great end to another great holiday!  Thanks, Adeje Grand.


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